Wednesday, April 27, 2011
The Nitty Gritty
Now, on to the business at hand. I have tried to avoid the negative and focus on the positive, hoping that it will just fade into the background. Alas, it hasn't, and like dirty laundry, it is crowding the corners of my mind and I don't think I can see the floor anymore. Interpret as you see fit.
I am approaching a cliff. Not heading towards the edge to jump off. Oh no, not that easy. I am heading towards the cliff from the bottom...and I know that something GREAT is at the top. But I am nervous, scared, overwhelmed, any other adjectives that means "I am falling apart". That's where I sit and hesitate, because I am NOT freaking out. I am ANTICIPATING freaking out. I can feel the pressure in my chest and the tears burning behind my eyes. Why, you ask? Walk with me...it's a long story.
So, remember a few weeks ago my post "A Broken TV Changed My Life"? Yeah, the one where I got all religious on you. Around that time I was feeling ready for change. Todd and I were wondering what we could change around the house to be able to STOP scraping by. Saving $60 a month on cable just wasn't going to cut it, and I'm not going to switch Chloe's schools so I don't have to drive her to school. We have a friend that decided that this would be a good time to move. OUT. OF. NOWHERE. We're VERY close to this family, so we asked why? They said that they had received spiritual confirmation that they were supposed to move to this place. (That is WAY freaking far away, might I add.) It also says in her patriarchal blessing (if you don't know what it is, read THIS) that she would move there. I decided that I would go and read my blessing.
Little time out here, these things are very sacred to me, so please, please, PLEASE, no judging or unkind words about my religion. I'm writing this for me, yes, but I am sharing it with you. If you have any questions, ask me! I would be more than happy to answer them for you, or find someone who can.
In my blessing it says that I will have healing hands. It says in many places that I would be able to help others that it may improve their quality of life, that I will be able to heal and protect my family, and that I will be working with children.
Now, when I was younger I took "healing hands" literally and I went to massage school. I graduated. Then got pregnant...and honestly, who wants a big preggo belly bumping into their heads. Could you really relax knowing that the person giving you a massage is probably more uncomfortable than you ever have been? Anywho, we figured that it would be better for me to be able to stay home and watch the kids. I LOVE being able to stay home and raise my family. It is soooo STRESSFUL sometimes, but it is SO worth it.
Which brings us to my choice in education. I want to be a Pediatrician. I am GOING to be a Pediatrician. Plan for success, right? Visualize! Realize! Actualize! Yesterday I talked to a guidance counselor who did NOT know his stuff. He was telling me that I was enrolling at the wrong school, that they don't offer nursing degrees, that I shouldn't go full time, that I shouldn't go online, that I can't afford it without student loans....ugh! Talk about discouraging! I wanted to poke him in the eye. Random, but true. So I have to explain that I want to be a DOCTOR, and that I don't want to be a NURSE, THREE TIMES!
"Oh, well if you're wanting to go Pre-Med then you should get an Associates in Science."
"Alright, thanks for all your help."
I spent the next three hours trying to find the information on their website, finding the graduation requirements, course codes, etc. I get signed up for my placement exam, which is tomorrow at 1:30, I'll keep you posted. I printed out an exam study guide. Badda BOOM!
Who needs a guidance counselor? Not me.
Having all of this information isn't comforting me like WAY over planning usually does. I am actually starting to realize how REAL this is. That the next ten to twelve years I will be going to school AND being a mom.
Through all of this, I have felt extremely confident in my decision. I still do, but the nerves are starting to kick in. It is also difficult because our ward was just split. Our little neighborhood was swapped over to a new ward and I'm starting to feel a little wobbly without the support of my old ward. I was also called to serve in the Primary PRESIDENCY. I am over Scouts. SCOUTS?!? ME?!!! *deep breath* Okay, I can do it! I know that the woman I will be working with is AMAZING, and that she really knows her stuff.
There is still all the day to day nonsense that would be overwhelming without all of these other HUGE life decisions. Delaney is teething...and screaming, A LOT. Garrison is starting to be interested in potty training...ugh. Chloe has dance, piano, homework, and we're thinking about signing her up for soccer in the fall. I am driving BOTH to and from school. I don't think I've done my hair, makeup, or shaved my legs in a WEEK. I had some stressfully comedic stuff go down last week, but they can't be proven, and I don't want to give bad references.
We are healthy. We are happy. We love each other. We love our Heavenly Father. Our Heavenly Father loves us. This is what I am supposed to be doing.
We can do this. I can do this.
...I can do this?...
Posted by Whitney at 1:02 PM